I couldn’t tell you exactly how long I played Castlevania: Lords of Shadow for, but it would have been around the two hour mark, then I stopped. One of the nice things about the time of year Castlevania came out was that the average gamer doesn’t have to look very hard to find a good game. So towards the end of the year (yes, there has been a large delay between the playing and the writing) if a game doesn’t impress me within two hours, I’m not going to spend another twenty on it just to see if it improves.
It all started off in a promising fashion, Patrick Stewart narrating some on screen illuminated text while the opening level loaded. A noble looking medieval guy showed up at night in the rain in a small town, cue werewolves. A few well placed on screen hints told me that X was light attack and Y was heavy, just in case I’d never played an action game before. I slapped a few wolves around with my whip, then a big wolf showed up, and I got to learn about quick time events. After about five minutes it was over. I was looking forward to some hacking and slashing in a nice setting with some pretty graphics.
Want to see some combat? Yeah, so did I.
Then I learned the truth; this was not a quick opening gambit tutorial level, it was indicative of the structure of the game. Short levels which always felt as though I was just getting into the swing of them as they ended, followed by exposition which said very little in very long passages. Patrick Stewart would talk for a few minutes, then a cut-scene would go for as long again, then I would be able to whip a goblin or two before the game decided that it didn’t want me getting overstimulated by the bright colours.
Then there was the weird over world map. Every time I finished a level it showed me the completion percentage, secrets found, enemies killed, MacGuffins MacGuffed. It became unclear whether I was meant to be following the epic tale of evil forces and love lost set in a Celtic-Christian mythos or trying to get my initials on a high score board. I am not completionist in the slightest, and I don’t have that gotta catch ‘em all urge that afflicts so many gamers. Seeing a chest in a level that I can’t open until I complete another ten levels and then have to come back just to open said chest is not a motivating force for me. To me it foreshadows either that the developers felt the game was a little short and thought that adding some collectibles would help, or they think it’s good game design to make someone backtrack. Either one is a bad outcome for me.
I remember this part. It was just before a level ended
Castlevania is not a terrible game, it’s not even a bad game, it’s just completely failed to engage me. In fact it felt like the developers had done everything in their power to prevent me from engaging with the core gameplay. Which is a pity because the gameplay itself was on the delicate edge between fun and challenging and the audio and visual presentation was immaculate. I’ll probably go back to it at some point later this year when things get desperate and I need my third person action fix, at which point I will wax lyrical about the boss fights, combo system and the bizarre, non-sequitur rune covered unicorn that shows up to taxi you around. Until then I just can’t be bothered wading through the dross.
